Friday, February 20, 2015

Thinking about my mom

Three years ago this afternoon, my mom died. All of her living children, and most of her grandchildren were sitting on the bed around her.
She had a massive stroke earlier in the week and had been unresponsive in the end, but I like to think she knew we were all there.
The last years of her life were not happy ones. My dad died in 1986 at the age of 63 and she never remarried.  
She lived alone for many years in a house with dark paneling that seemed more like a cave when the curtains were drawn. But she rarely let the light inside.
Things changed when she had a reaction to some medications, and once in the hospital, tests revealed she had massive coronary blockages. Things leveled out after doctors cleaned out her arteries and installed a pacemaker.
Not long afterward she went to live with my older sister. She was never happy with the arrangement but  admitted reluctantly that it was best.
Through the years, her health went downhill making it necessary to move her to a senior facility and that's where she died at 4 p.m. on February 20, 2012.
We buried her next to my dad a few days later in the old cemetery near where she lived most of her life.
I like to think that her spirit smiled as she was laid to rest, close enough to my dad to hold hands if they wanted to.
My mother and dad on their wedding day,
August 27, 1942




17 comments:

  1. It's hard losing a parent, no matter what their age--or yours.

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  2. It's hard losing a parent, no matter what their age--or yours.

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  3. Rick
    A lovely tribute to your mother.

    Ms Soup

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  4. What fishducky said.

    I cared for my father throughout his final illness. He, too, lived alone for many years... he is now laid to rest close to his father's grave, something he wanted.

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  5. I was the one who visited my mom and found her dead. Coroner said she just dropped. Same with my dad in 1960. But let me tell you: Remember them in the old photo, Rick. A couple kids with the brightness of all the good their future together promised. That moment was as real as any moment you or I have ever experienced --real as this moment too. It existed, and will always exist. That glorious moment on wooden steps of a house on stilts --near a river, then-- is so important to your existence and the light you've conducted into the world. All my best wishes.

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  6. The pain of losing a parent never goes away, but sometimes that pain recedes beneath happy memories. Sorry for your loss.

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  7. A dear entry my friend. Sounds a lot like my mama. Withdrew after dad's death for many years lived alone. We kept my mama at the end, my sister and my wife and I. After that experience we told our sons, when we need care put us somewhere, DO NOT take us into your home and NEVER feel bad about it.
    We sit here and look at that picture of your mom and dad and smile, they looked so happy, life ahead a joy to face together. WE all know unless it is an accident that takes both, one of every couple, no matter how matched or in love, will be left.
    But mama's (and dads) are so easy to think about. This is a keeper for sure.

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  8. I don't know about you but for me although my mom and dad are now both gone to their glory, they never feel far away from me. They both died 9 months apart and all 17 of their children were present at their bedside. Each one coped in a different way at their passing but for me it was not a sad passing as my faith knows they are transformed in a new life that my eyes cannot see but my heart can feel. It's a good feeling.

    Hugs,
    JB

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  9. What a nice tribute to your Mom and Dad. They look so young and happy in the picture.
    xoxox

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  10. I love that last picture of them together, Rick. It's a story much like my mother's own...and not an easy one for anyone involved. Blessings to you- Diana

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  11. My Mom never remarried either, but she still had my 2 youngest brothers at home..well, one in high school, and one in college. She worked 3 jobs and also traveled the world as she was able to afford things later. Your Mom had the love of all her children and I'm glad they could be with her at the end. My Dad was in the hospital and had just had surgery. I was so sad that he passed away alone in that stupid room during the night. Maybe that's why I hate being in the hospital at night...as a patient or as a worker! No matter our age or how long it's been since they've passed we never forget them. This is a sweet tribute to your Mom and I do love the wedding photo..so much happiness on those young faces! That's the image I would hold on to and I'm sure they have the same happiness together in the next life!

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  12. The reverse was true in my family - Mom passed away first and left Daddy very lonely. I didn't get to be with either of them when they passed.
    What a sweet wedding photo of your parents. I know you miss them both.

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  13. It all passes by us so quickly...that's why we need to make every moment count!

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  14. Interesting to read about the passage of life. Thanks for sharing your mom's story.

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  15. I love that photo of your parents. I'm sorry that your mother was so unhappy toward the end of her life. And I'm sorry for your loss three years ago.

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  16. This was sad to read but like you, I hope your parents were happy to be together... xox

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  17. I have had a hard time formulating a response. I miss my parents every day. They both died suddenly and much too young. They had a good life but at times it was hard for them. The memories are there for you now and I hope you make the best of them.

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