Last night after I posted, a reminder popped up on my phone reminding me that my mom died on February 20, 2012. Last night was the fifth anniversary of her death.
I'd felt a little off kilter for most of the day without knowing why. The reminder was enlightening.
My mom had been going down for some time. Telling myself that "one day she would not be here," seemed at the time, as if I were preparing myself for the end... but it wasn't. It was the beginning.
You are never ready for losing a parent. My mom suffered toward the end of her life and when she took her last breath, most of the family and people who adored her were there.
At first, I felt something that I thought was relief, and maybe it was. But after the funeral flowers dried there were waves of sadness that even after five years have not ebbed.
This much I know: if your folks are still alive, don't miss an opportunity to tell them how much them what they mean to you.