Monday, June 18, 2012

Marathon of Strange Dreams ~ My column from yesterday

I slept fitfully last night. 

My dreams were filled with clogged toilets, snarling dogs and curiously large rabbits that could leap like kangaroos cranked up on steroids.

Most nights when I have weird dreams, I head to the kitchen to drink a glass of milk and eat some gingersnaps. That usually does the trick, and when I go back to bed I practically hibernate.

That didn’t happen last night. 

When I dozed off after my gingersnap fix, I immediately began to have visions of plumbing problems dancing in my head. 

At one point in my dream, I pulled a telephone out of the commode. Not a tiny cell phone, but one of those old timey black wall phones with a rotary dial. 

What made it worse was that it was ringing. Even in the depths of the weird-dream marathon, I didn’t dare answer it.

I have a feeling that some of my dreams would have left a competent psychiatrist scratching his head. 

“You say the phone was ringing? I’ll have to look that one up in the manual.”

Around 4 a.m. I awoke again. This time I dreamed that my truck was being repossessed by the finance company. 

I kept trying to convince the tow truck driver that both my cars had been paid off several years ago and in fact I was debt free. But he kept popping his chewing gum as he said, “Tell it to the judge.”

This time I didn’t bother trying to sleep any more. I got up, put on some coffee to brew, and sat out on the back deck for a while looking at the sky.

The waning moon left plenty of room to see the stars in the southern sky. I found myself wishing I knew more about astronomy and the names of the constellations.

Until recently, my old rooster would begin crowing about this time of morning, but last month I was carrying gallon jugs of water to the pen and he flogged my leg with his sharp spurs. 

I bled like a stuck hog, as the old saying goes. I called an old friend that has chickens and asked if he’d like a new rooster. Now Speckles the rooster lives in a different zipcode. 

The lesson he never learned was, “Never spur the hand (or leg) that feeds you.” 

When the coffee finished, I poured a mug and added some honey. Quietly I worked in the office filing papers and sorting magazines. 

We are fairly good house keepers, but when I flipped on the lamp on the top of my desk, I realized there was a layer of dust thick enough to grow carrots.

Since I wasn’t sleeping, I might as well be dusting. All in all, it was a productive way to spend a few sleepless hours. 

I really don’t want to make it a habit. So tonight, if I dream of big bunnies or hear a ringing phone in my commode, I’m gonna look for a shrink.

Read more: Daily Mountain Eagle - Marathon of strange dreams 


  1. Lions and tigers and clogged toilets, oh my! If there's anything I hate it's a clogged toilet. A good reason for a nightmare.


  2. Usually my dreams revolve around my years as a teacher. This last one involved some young woman dressed in a stunning evening dress, trying to find her way through NYC.

    Are you sure the rooster didn't find his way into a Sunday dinner?

  3. Well at least you got some dusting done!!!

    Awww Speckles the Rooster! Take care

  4. Anonymous5:54 AM

    Yesterday I cleaned the dust off my desk (well, the parts I can see anyway, I'm short) and last night I had the best sleep I've had in ages. May the removal of the dust of ages help you sleep as well.

  5. I hate those crazy nights of weird dreams! I get up more tired than when I went to bed! I would have had that darn rooster in a pot of dumplings right away! Hope you have a great week!

  6. Anonymous1:01 PM

    Maybe you should look into Homeo ;-) There was a huge Homeo medicine manual that used to float around the neighbourhood. I clearly remember reading "If you dream of a dog running backwards, take such and such a medicine" lol... So, I guess there's probably medicine for phones in toilets as well ;-)


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