Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The Best You Can Do

A friend lost her father late Sunday night, so we attended the wake tonight. Her dad was 80, and had been ill for a long time. These last few months, he'd begun drifting too far from the shore, as the old gospel song goes.
Our friend called us several times recently, just to talk. She knew that both Jilda and I had lost our parents, and that we'd have a sense of what she was going through. 
Even though she knew deep in her heart the time was approaching, she said could not bear to let her dad go. 
Tonight as we spoke to our friend, I wanted so badly to come up with words of comfort that could somehow lift her spirits, but I know from experience, there are no words. 
So before we left, Jilda and I hugged her and told her we'd be thinking about her. In the end, that's the best anyone can do.


  1. You are right, Rick. That is the best anyone can do because it the journey of loss is one that each one must, ultimately, make alone. We can uplift and support others but we can't really share their pain. My father has been gone since I was 21 and I still miss him.
    Have a great night. We are at Minus 2 and counting down! Diana

  2. That is the best anyone can do. I wish I'd had someone to comfort me when my parents died. They're long gone, and I miss them still.


  3. Beautifully said. Thank you for sharing your story. And thank you for being there for your friend. What an honor, to share such a tender moment.

  4. After I read yours and Jilda's blog, I thought of all my daughter's friends who supported us during my grandson's death. Just being there and listening was their great gift to all of us.

  5. I cannot imagine the moment ... of losing your parents!

  6. This is oh so true Rick. We often search and search for the right words, when all we can really do is be there, listen, and comfort.

  7. There are no right words. A hug is the best thing.

  8. You are so right. When someone looses a family member or close friend, the sense of reality hits hard that the person is gone. There is a deep separation and being there at their moment of grief is the best that anyone can do. Support and love from family and friends is what they need.

    What people don't realize is that after everyone goes back home the sadness and loneliness is still there. It's always nice to receive a call from a caring friend to see how they are doing.

    The gift of presence is the best.

  9. This is so true. I recently lost my little Mutti (German for mother). She had been loosing ground for 5 years. All that time I poured my energy into her, both hoping to keep her with me, and wanting her to be out of her pain and suffering. She was the last of my family to go. There is no way to express either what you experience as you are loosing someone, or after they are gone. All you can do is trust and take time to heal. It is good to have friends who will be there when you need support.


  10. So true being there and expressing that one is thinking of the other person is the best that can be done so many times.

  11. Anonymous11:23 AM

    Hi Rick, its so nice to meet you, I followed you right back!
    Sometimes its not the words we say at a time of sorrow sometimes its our actions, a hug goes a long way and speaks the language of caring, so sad,

  12. hi Rick! Yes, you did the appropriate thing: Listened.

  13. Good to meet you Rick! I found you over at Martha's Plowing Through Life.
    It really is the only thing we can do.....saying we'll be thinking about them. It is their journey to discover, as hard as it is, this very difficult aspect of life. But knowing someone is there for them, lifts the burden.

  14. Hi Rick...there now you have both of you following...Sophie is very pleased about his. She won't let us be out of her sight...seriously she's a control freak....that's OK whatever makes her happy!



Please consider sharing

Email Signup Form

Subscribe to our mailing list

* indicates required