Thursday, May 01, 2008


If something was going so fast it couldn't be stopped; hit something so hard it couldn't be moved, what would happen? How far is up? How long is a short piece of rope? These are all excellent tools when you get into a really boring conversation with a ATP. For those of you who are unfamiliar with ATP, it is short for Acutely Talkative Person. When you are talking....actually when you are listening to an ATP, you may notice that it appears the other person never takes a breath. They prattle on endlessly about their illnesses, their accomplishments, about their problems or about their views on religion or perhaps cottage cheese; but after about fifteen minutes of being held captive you want to jab a railroad spike through your ear to get a little relief.
I've found that if you can interrupt them just long enough to make a non-sense statement, it tends to derail their train of thought and it gives you a chance to flee.
Another effective line I've used more times than one is: I caught a trout on a crawfish once. The jabber-meister usually reels uncertainly trying to get their arms around what you just said. They wonder if the lack of oxygen has finally done permanent irreparable damage to their motor systems and while they are trying to recover, you say "hey, look at the time, I've got to run!"
Now this is important, if they call after you, NEVER respond. You must act as if you never heard what they said. If you respond, it gives them time to reload and might as well go searching for a spike.

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